i wish my penis had a tongue
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
