ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
