Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
