he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
