I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The best revenge is premature balding
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
