i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
