At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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