I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I did not marry a roomba.
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