dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
if only i could text you this smell
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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