If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
