If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
