he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
