remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
