If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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