I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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