i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
