I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
