well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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