He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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