If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
