Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
