I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
