It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
