I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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