Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
