arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
A+ Viking dick
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
