We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
