So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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