6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
