I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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