what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
