Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
