i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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