I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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