I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
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