Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
