yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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