Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
