Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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