so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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