We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
