Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
