this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize