We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
