there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
