She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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