Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize