u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
