Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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