maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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