Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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