I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
