If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize