Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i think my cat just said my name.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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