I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
