Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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