she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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