Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
