dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
