I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
