Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
