Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
