i may or may not be watching the land before time
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
