He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
