I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
