Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I will die if light touches me.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My ATM looks so different sober.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
