Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
A bitchslap is in order.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
