If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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