I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
40s are totally the cure
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
