Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
