She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
