I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i out mim tonsoeep
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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