where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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