some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
