well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
